Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
