I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
