I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
