Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
