the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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