i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can't motorboat a personality
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
