he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
