yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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