On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
