It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
