Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
