I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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