He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
