I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize