Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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