make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
