Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
