I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
