But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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