i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
