i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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