it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
