Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
