im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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