Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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