You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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