i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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