well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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