I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dicks are not precious.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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