drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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