My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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