you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize