I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
