I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
