Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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