it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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