my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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