I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
