You smell like a Billy Joel song
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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