cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
