He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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