My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
soo... how was my night?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
