wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
