So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize