omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
