Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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