JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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