Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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