thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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