farters have to be the big spoon...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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