last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
