i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
