I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
