I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
