I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
