xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
