Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
