Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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