like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
