it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
