This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize