Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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