that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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