You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
