Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
