Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize