One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Non-Jews are for practice
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
