That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
