There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
