Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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