Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
