we have pet lesbian snakes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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