I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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