Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
