You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
