When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize