respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
