Well douche your snatch and let's go!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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