I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
