I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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