it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
