i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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