OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
