the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
