so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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