I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
