we have pet lesbian snakes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
