I'm gonna have a badass scar
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
