you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
