Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
