ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
