i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
