What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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