FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
