That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
