Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
