Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
