he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
