What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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