A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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