I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize