i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
