Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
